I wish I was known. I don't say the things in my heart, not to anyone ever. Obviously it started when I was younger. I learnt to not say anything, and I've perfected the subtle art of saying enough without letting them know any of the details. And certainly none that they could control, or laugh at, or pick apart, or tell others ashamed of their child. But now, I want someone to know me. But I still can't tell anyone. I guess that's the whole thing. I can't say anything without being scared.

All the time, my head is so full. There are so many words and feelings and sounds I can't get out. I have never wanted to write a blog before. Never wanted to talk to others. I keep to myself, even with my friends. I think they would describe me as avoidant. I guess they're right. I don't see what's wrong with that but I started counselling for it anyway. I wish I knew how to start a blog. How to just talk freely without watching myself from a 3rd perspective. How to get the words out onto the screen. Actually, it's getting easier as I go.